today on spark up! we are privileged to be able to publish an exclusive extract from the diary of cryogenically preserved celebrity comedian, and bouncy-bed bastion of black british consciousness at the black-bashing corporation, mr lenny emery:
dear diary,
this morning, i woke-up in my luxury padded penthouse at promiscuous sin towers, luton, examined the super-calorific contents of my well-over-burdened intercontinental breakfast-tray...
...and, upon encountering some culturally-based confusion as to which side my toast had actually been buttered, pondered the matter awhile, before plodding off pensively down to my alternatively-coloured yet unbendingly benevolent masters based at bestiality house, portaloo place, london - primarily, it must be said, in order to embark on a self-sacrificing revolutionary whinge about the unethically under-cooked nature of my unbrowned bread...
...however, having announced my arrival at satan's-soul studios amid a fawning flatulent fanfare from fellow old fespian farts and entered unto the inner scrotum of scrotums (whereupon i was instantly blinded both politically and numismatically by that strangely intense white limelight, which as if through the power of some televisually enhanced magic once more began to radiate irrepressibly from my own unshackled artistic arsehole), it suddenly dawned on me (when removing my reality-bland shades and glimpsing my reflection in the basement-bog mirror) that the most prudent course of action would rather be to put on a big cheesy smile, wank the board-members off a bit, then ask them ever-so-nice-and-politely-like if they wouldn't mind awfully treating black fellas (and gals) like me a teeny-weeny dash better in the not-too-distant future...
...although, this all said-and-done, i obviously also proceeded to lay down the law in black-and-white and stated unequitably that i still wish to retain my exalted efnick position as grand-token-darky amongst darkies whilst continuing to appear as if i give a flying coconut-cake about the rest of the banana-careered bunch as they are all served-up to the chairman and dicksucker-general ass-first as an entrée exotico-erotico of afro-frisson fritters - fried to a facety-fit for the exclusive entertainment of the evil empire's faithful fag-boys.
yours ever-so ever-so gratefully
lenny ennui (cunt by example)
