Sunday, 9 April 2017

heart-breaking news: tony blasé still not expelled from british labour party

following an official disciplinary hearing - repeatedly and indefinitely postponed since the outset of the illegal iraq war - it has tonight been announced, by a spoke in the never-ending neo-conservative weal of socialist dialectical manipulation, that, despite the quite distinct electoral advantage which would inevitably be accrued thereby, former prime-minister tony blasé will, as-it-happens, not be thrown smirk-face-first out of the labour party, and nor will he be hung out to dry on the psycho's picket-line as a pithy poetic prelude to having his bollocks painfully employed for the purposes of playing cross-parliamentary ping-pong competitions.

indeed, according to a pretty correct and well-formed source of conventional wisdom within corbyn komsomol pressure-group more-mental, editors at spark up! further understand the extra-double-dextra-fundamental left-wing ideological position to be thus:

"whilst all true socialists appreciate that blasé is a serial wog-bombing bastard, who has assisted in the commission of a truly sick spectrum of ultra-heinous crimes against humanity, ranging from the culpable genocide of arabs in iraq, and of asians in afghanistan, right through to chronic, cruel and calculated nitrogen dioxide gas-attacks unleashed against his own british people - allegedly effected using dodgy diesel-powered wagons-of-mass-destruction as a preferred delivery system...
as loyal labour members, we none-the-less accept it is firmly established labour party policy to ensure that former oil-primed minister mr blasé and his criminal neo-conservative accomplices never be brought to face justice of any form before a british court of law...
and, in light of this socially unconscious collective decision, we, as labour members, equally accept therefore that the british people will never again elect our nasty little neo-liberally corrupted party-on-a-cia-string to government...
we, as loyal members, instead envisaging labour purely as a pathetic party of professional perennial opposition.
wossat...? i'm being told that, according to information provided by un petit chardonneret perched strategically upon the global gravy-strained grapevine of gratuitous gossip, tony and charming wife cheroot have, in addition to the afore-listed social misdemeanors, been busy co-ordinating with bomb-barmy buddies billy and hilly klondyke, the pentagon, mi6, as well as the royal families of quasar and swordy arabia, in an evil orchestrated effort to facilitate the clandestine arming of so-called islamic state also known as al qaeda also known as the cia...?
oh well, no-one's perfect, eh?"

Saturday, 28 January 2017

lest we remember the cunt

as he passeth undistinguished into obsolescence,

let us not remember him,

the duelling sub-democratic despot, the drone-king,

the black-and-white president, his mind set stiff in the past,

strait-laced with the stern language of sweet-mother suppression

on which he was weaned,

until a shirt so surely stuffed

with all american arrogance.

no, he will not be remembered,

the cunt,

save by the families, friends and life-lamed loved-ones of his uncounted,

but not unforgotten,



unjustly targeted victims,

for he was not a man of colour,

or a coloured-man,

who left our lives,

or leastways our limping imaginations,

filled to feel-good fantasy,

wow-wowed with the bright crazy colour of his wonder-words,

or exhilarating artistry

of courageously conjured civil or sporting action,

or slick-thinking science

in the ethno-irrelevant race for humanity-empowering invention,

or the sincere dare-demo-dreams

of what social-complementary course could be chosen

in the land of the free.


he was no mohammed ali or steve biko

no wellé or jairzinho

no eusébio or zico

no fela kuti or curtis mayfield

no duke ellington or ella fitzgerald

no rosa parks or jesse owens

no richard pryor or marvin gaye

no supreme or temptation

no scott joplin or marcus garvey

no donna summer or charlie parker

no tina turner or gloria gaynor

no bob marley or angela davis

no booker t washington or sydney poitier

no maya angelou or george washington carver

no lewis latimer or charles w chappelle

no jelly roll morton or paul robeson

no aretha franklin or jesse jackson

no james baldwin or gil scott-heron

and certainly no louis armstrong or martin luther king,

just the liar king,

whose right corrupt complexion of commands

bequeathed the world a clipped-left-wing,

the gaunt and cheerless guardian of guantanamo bay's

american moral retention camp,

he set no-one free,


manning the eternal offence-posts of institutional bigotry,

keeping his prize homosexual human-shield

hostage for a hundred days,

a so petulantly imprisoned pawn

in the american hardman's game

insuring against the impending prosecuting rain.

no, the vacuous verbal-froth

of this pathetically over-hyped pseudo-humanitarian president

will not be remembered,

or quoted admiringly,

by sincere school-children of history,

'cause this viciously cross grey stick of classy-roomed chalk

dictated his meaningless monotone version of liberty

in a grim gruelling gravy of ethically evaporated ideas,

holed-up high in snow-white hegemonic heaven,

where he viperously reaped the well-waged waste,

and one helluva wicked reward for his bonanza human harvest,

this great greed-hill holocaust

for a few greasy old holes in somebody else's ground,

back-seat-driven by his own sick secretary of state-subversion,

the mother-slick of cia-stealth-slaughter,

on behalf of her extremely grateful grand-theft autocrats,

infinitely well-installed in another alt-righteous country.

no, let us not remember him,

the arse-headed african-american advocate

of unaccountable overseas cultural annihilation,

who through his fearless fancy-principled fondness

for promoting never-ending neo-colonial war-crime against

defenceless africans,

defenceless arabs,

and defenceless asians,

has duly exercized the equal divine-right

of a black president

to disgrace the entire black community,

in precisely the same undignified,

unbending way in which

each white president

has traditionally never failed

in his unflinching racial duty

to disgrace the whole damn white community,

nor let us remember

the two-faced totalitarian telephone-tapper,

who let his star-spangled slip-stream

of toxic trickle-down death-threats

compulsively permeate

their leaky-lipped communication of corrosion

through the rogue repressive ranks

of his sado-supplicant supporters,

in order,

in the emotionally screened-out name of terminal moral insecurity,

to mute the middening crowd of criticism,

with extreme psychological convenience,

into the insensitive catatonic scare

of stone silent submission,

nor let us remember

the barbarian bureaucrat bomber,

who in true trumanesque tradition

of reactive remote-controlled truculence,

ferried a few-hundred-thousand poor foreign fuckers,


into a democratically enhanced eternity,

at the flick of a flash signature-switch,

from the impeccably moistured palm of his unmannered oval vestibule.

no, this glossy office gecko

was no comrade-starving stalin

or kikuyu-culling churchill,

who did his murder manually,

in propria persona,

when the case demanded,

no, this dirt-free demagobic disaster


upon due and respectful reflection,

just a democratic desk jihadist

deftly dodging the incandescent backdraft-blast

from the irate islamic inferno

which he himself had religiously stoked and poked,

stepping en pointe on the hissing hot coals of hell

like some dotty demon-dantean disco-dancer,

but still,

we must give thanks

that now his two-turn terrifying tour-of-duty

in the great ancestral white-arse orifice

is at long last,


and our former fair-weather


may hence most righteously be resuscitated,

then rakishly resurrected

and freshly restored

for to flourish all rudely abroad

with much funky music aforethought,

as spring-garlands swung blooming

in far-gone glasnostic glam-folk celebration

at that final, fun-censoring expiration

of the puritanically correct protectorate,

a welcome watershed in wankerdom's wacky progress,

which licensed gay church-bells to ring out

their gratuitously ragged rows

of rite-appealing changes,

which caused a frantic country-wide uncorseting

of downcast comedy-houses,

dimmed by decree,

and which,


incited flocks of frenzied middle-fingered maypoles

to be dotingly dusted off,

and pruriently stuck up

in a feral flurry,

for the purely provocative prancing about of,

back in the miserable

euro-peeing mist

of missus "merry maynark" mayflower's

murkye olde englande.

Monday, 10 October 2016

the art of democratic darkness

apple-cart tips now

roll up, roll up
for the gruesome grumble
in the morally deregulated jingo-jungle,
where blacked-out ewes in the news-boom's thrall
will flock to watch their white chiefs brawl.

the wethers will sway 'n chew the odd
but the wives will give that final nod.
oh she ain't no quaker an' she ain't no shaker:
clinton gonna send ya alls ta meet yo maker.

oh yeah, welcome to the greatest horror-show on greed's ghoulish earth, in which the obedient black american bourgeoisie will soon line up smoothly to sanction their own seamless enslavement, they - for the brief fifteen minutes it will take to parade pathetically to the polling-station, and defiantly design an 'educated' and 'informed' 'x' beside the titchy tyrannous title of their own precious pristine slave-mistress - proud power-drunk african kings and queens, psychopathically akin to those commercial-opportunists-in-chief, who - not-so-very-far-back, spiritually-speaking - summarily consigned the abject abductee ancestors of these officially discoloured voter-citizens to a long, slow, unafrican death-by-stewing, in a socially-anti-septic, cold-culture - soul-free - sauce.

well, if the living-dead black-democrats don't, i reckon the ape-shit ancestors are gonna rise up and revolt - that's for sure - especially when they clock how mad-hungry the african-american middle-classes are for their supersized-fat-slice of the death-rich blood-mineral gâteau, which sweet, shy, home-loving hillary just loves to bake at weekends, in the big ole clinton-foundation-oven, from traditional home-grown american ingredients - but mainly the monstrous ill-gotten profits of cia-co-ordinated congolese genocide.

fuck me, are the ancestors gonna be pissed, when they see their dozy emancipated descendants hand hillary the electoral ammunition to strap on a kong-sized cruise-missile and go rape mama-africa right-up-the-arse.

as if we hadn't all had enough of hearing about dear davy campervan's own fearless safari-trip up the tax-haven-infested thames into the heart of moral unaccountability, without a paddle...

as if we weren't all fucking sick to the fucking back-teeth of funding dave in-camera or his alter ego dave incompetent's own fucking socio-pathic haven from reality, and watching the clueless cunt get completely lost in the space between his own dumb-fucking-ear-'oles..., we're really fucking in trouble, we've got as a presence in the white house the neo-con nightmare on wall street, and she's coming straight to a screen bang-slap in your living-room, as per the perennial political poltergeist, every fucking day, and every fucking supper-time, perma-smiling like some surgically enhanced halloween pumpkin, for the next eight years, or until her crack-pot medical team runs outta state-of-the-art personality embalming psychiatric pharmaceuticals, and her chemically induced two-dimensional, two-faced artificial character implodes emotionally, then crashes irretrievably down a terminal black-identity-hole, without any possibility of re-boot.

as if bernard cia-sell-out-slag-supreme sanders weren't the god-damned communal cess-pits, a european socialist in washington, who betrayed his ardent young supporters and then, having considered his naff personal position, together with his numpty 'non-negotiable' principles, thought perhaps he'd back a psychotic serial war-criminal after all, and, for the sake of corrupt consistency, also back immoral neo-conservative military intervention in syria, why not...?

...and as if the patsy presidential candidate, donald trump, weren't bad enough, the alien, turned natural-born alienator, with the outta-this-world-hair-do, who slipped through a time-warp from a former era, because some thick twat on the boozy bridge of star-ship enterprise entered the wrong social values into the galactic teleporter when he was dematerialized...

...ooh-la-lordy, now, we're gonna get africa's number-one natural born predator, hillary rodham clinton, accompanied by a secret-op white-washington-wipout of any untoward squeaks about her own massacre-punctuated journey into the art of democratic darkness, up the congo, alongside holocaust-enabling hubby-from hell, waster and womanizer, willy-helmut the turd, who, in 1996, by deviously initiating a cia-orchestrated rwandan-backed coup against zaire's president mobutu - the ultra-kleptocratic dictator and disillusioned, disfavoured former cia-agent - slapped upon african tribes-people the biggest bloody bill known to that obsessively exploited continent since the apocalyptic atlantic slave-trade: nearly 6 million lives wasted as a result of ongoing conflict - according to obsolete nine-year-old, ultra-conservative, cia-massaged estimates by david miliband's international rescue committee - with the death-meater still ticking...

...just one of those 'political miscalculations', one might perhaps hypothesize?

no - not when the consequences of that cynical political calculation by the clinton administration to support the 1996-97 rwandan-backed invasion of zaire - now the demoratic republic of congo - eventually channelled untold wealth into the pockets of clinton business-friends such as swedish oil and mining magnates, the lundin family - owners of lundin mining and the lundin group - which in 2007 pledged $100 million dollars to the clinton foundation, despite reports that in 1997 - in order to cut a deal worth $250 million for future congolese mining rights - lundin mining had made a huge down-payment of $50 million to laurent-désiré kabila's rwandan-backed rebels, before this pentagon-trained insurgency had even ousted incumbent president mobutu via the first congo war - an ignition conflict which cost the lives of thousands of rwandan hutu refugees, and became the cruel catalyst for the cataclysmic second congo war, and further persistent regional conflicts, where so many millions of congolese civilians have been mercilessly murdered in the name of obscene western mineral wealth.

for carin' sharin' whiter-than-white democrats, it's most commodious, of course, that finalization of the swedish public prosecutor's investigation into lundin petroleum's complicity in the commission of war-crimes and crimes against humanity, between the years of 1997 and 2003, in block 5a oil concession in south sudan, will be delayed until after hillary clinton's expected inauguration in january 2017... see, apparently, a dutch ngo - the european coalition on oil in sudan - has definitively reported that lundin petroleum contributed material which was used in the local war fought for control of the area, and also co-operated with the military forces responsible for many of the crimes committed against humanity...

...and oh what a lovely coincidence it is that congo mine-owner and clinton buddy jean-raymond boulle is also suspected, pre-régime-change, of dropping links with former zairean president mobutu, and instead switching his pandering political allegiances to incoming congo-dictator, laurent-désiré kabila, upon whom he duly proceeded to lavish his financial attentions...

...similarly suspected of negotiating pre-régime-change deals with coup-leader, laurent-désiré kabila, is former head of american mineral fields - now adastra minerals - mr mike mcmurrough, a native of bill clinton's home town of hope, arkansas.

so to summarize the shameful historical time-line:-

  • next clinton backed the rwandan invasion of zaire, now called the democratic republic of congo - again via the assistance of uganda - he followed up by facilitating the removal of out-of-favour mobutu, and then finally this avaricious arsehole of an american president supported the creation of the new democratic republic of congo under laurent-désiré kabila, a congolese-born rwandan-puppet-dictator, who was, soon thereafter, promptly assassinated, and conveniently replaced by a fully rwandan-born joseph kabila - a man still masquerading today as an indigenous congolese president, and claiming to be the former head-of-state's son.
  • after the coup against mobutu in 1997, the consequent instability in congo allowed the armies of uganda, rwanda, and zimbabwe, under cover of the smoke-screen of the second congo war, to rip out congolese mineral resources, illegally, on a mega-industrial scale.
  • meanwhile, american and european mining companies, including several owned by friends of the clintons, were able reap immense profits, especially from deposits in the rwandan controlled areas of eastern congo.
  • meanwhile, millions of congolese have been expediently eradicated in the cause of neo-colonial mercantilism, or have died in penury from severe war-related malnutrition and disease.

is this what the buck-buffered black-american middle-classes truly, truly want in terms of a 'progressive' foreign policy?

do they actually want their conquistador-in-chief to hand out arms and ammo to her pet cia-trained psychos in the mother-continent, like kool-aid cluster-candy?

do they actually want to kick back in front of their glistening, glowing legal-cultural-destruction-screen or their oh-let-everyone-die-screen to enjoy the 'afro-combat-special' pay-per-view gladiatorial spectacle of one desperate african brother dementedly fighting another, to the commercially-acceptable death, over the equal opportunity to earn a rotten bug-infested crust fallen fortuitously from the high ethical table of american trade-protectionism?

is this what the black bought-off-classes of america deem to be a 'civilized' manner in which to do business, and a 'progression' from slave-trade-days, when politically favoured tribes were supplied - by efficiency-driven european merchants - with fire-arms, in order to enable bounty-hunters to maximize their gross human-catch at the expense of other unfortunate, unweaponized tribes?

has neo-liberalism so shaken off existing social, ethnic and spiritual shackles, amongst african-american democrats, that it is now perfectly culturally permissible for american-blacks to prey on african-blacks in pursuit of the sacred bottom-line on the account-sheet?

you know, what's certain is that donald "broad-talk" trump has been deliberately set up to fail by the cia-controlled washington establishment.

the fight is fixed folks...

donald's a sublimely choreographed fall-guy...

...and the hysterical tide of anti-trump vitriol is just one giant cia-psycho-propaganda-operation.

oh god knows, trump could be manipulated by the united states military industrial complex, and be taken hostage by corporate genocidal greed, just as easily as any presidential predecessor, for he's already signalled a willingness to give the iron-american-horse its head, to pursue the immoral, self-defeating, terror-inciting 'war on terror', and to intervene militarily overseas, where no intervention could ever be judged right or conscionable - in syria, for example, by grabbing islamist-controlled oil-wells - and he's totally wrong...

...all foreign powers must quit the middle-eastern plunder-plot immediately, particularly america, britain, france and russia, because it's primarily russo-western interference which has immeasurably aggravated the civil-war in syria and the wider middle-east...

...but heaven-forbid, permitting serial war-criminal hillary clinton to stick her evil oar back into the chaotic militant mix could only bring the curse of a far more extensive disaster upon the middle-east, europe, and ultimately the whole world.

after all, the fundamental cause of the syrian civil-war - hypocritically ignored by our entire cia-managed main-stream western media - is that, whilst russia has wrongly propped up and encouraged a repressive assad administration, rapacious neo-colonial western powers, under obama and clinton's personal direction, have, for purely strategic and economic reasons, purposefully created, then dangerously armed an ideologically extremist islamic-state insurgency, with the single-minded malicious intent of illegally overthrowing russia's ally, syria.

in simple terms: hillary clinton's hatred of russians, and her mania for total-power, induced her, whilst president obama's secretary of state, to manufacture a bitter civil-war, in a country where she had no rightful business, without the slightest concern, or sympathy, for those millions of syrians whose lives she has so self-evidently selfishly destroyed.

the sheer insane vanity of president obama and hillary clinton, in fabricating an islamic state which shamed and smeared all islam, solely in order to undermine a russian proxy-state where, irksomely, authorization had not been granted for the trans-national construction of their american ally's gas-pipeline, is utterly bewildering...

...yet let's not be too shocked: clinton and obama rolled out exactly the same scam in libya, where the cia armed the islamists to topple gaddafi, left the country in turmoil, and then shipped the islamists, together with their black-market military hardware, over to syria to continue the illicit liberal leitmotiv of complete neo-conservative carnage.

tragically, the united states ambassador to libya, john christopher stevens, rumbled hillary clinton's criminally subversive machinations, and had to be assassinated by his own government - but such terrific tribulations are all in a day's work for a committed diplomat in the sworn service of the white house's satan department, i suppose.

americans are now left with a choice between, on one malevolent hand, an aggressive clinton administration, which would escalate the arming of islamists against the syrian government, then, with a brutal, suicidal appetite for full-scale war, ramp up hostilities against russia...

...and, on the other ignorant hand, a defensive trump administration, which would, with blind, religious hatred, support russia in its obsessively islamophobic goal of defeating the islamic state - itself created by hillary clinton.

obviously, european citizens will never support an american vanity-war against russia - the country which decisively and effectively won the second world-war - and american citizens too would sleep much better in their beds at night in the assured knowledge that the united states were not secretly planning with nato-allies to whip up, what could only prove to be, a catastrophic war against russia.

the crazily sickening situation that we currently see in syria ostensibly unfolds thus:

pres o:  err...since we've entered a new phase of bi-lateral co-operation, reciprocation 'n mutual assistance an' all know those rather keen guys that hillary trained up an' armed to-the-teeth...err...well, basically, i spose, to rip-off your guy's government 'n push him politely an' humanly possible, of course...outta office...? you know obviously that things kinda got a bit outta hand and these folks somehow sorta started to err...kinda take over the whole god-damned world...?

pres p:  err, yes...

pres o:  well you wouldn't mind awfully sorta somehow bombing the bloody fuck out of our rather over-keen fellers, would you vlad, me old chap...? if it's not too much trouble or anything, buddy...?

pres p:  not at all bazza, old boy - anything i can do to help, an all that...hey, err...hang on a the spirit of the new phase of bi-lateral co-operation, reciprocation 'n mutual assistance an' all know those ole oil-fields wot your guys nicked off my guy and are now sorta somehow funding international terrorism an all that kinda silly stuff...well, wouldn't mind awfully sorta somehow bombing the bloody fuck out of the bastard things, would you bazza old chap...? that's if it's not too much trouble or anything, obviously eh...comrade?

pres o:  oh no not at all vlad, not at all...and err...obviously, if there's anything else i can do to err...assist, know you've jus' gotta err...ask...partner...

frankly, if there's one shining characteristic i admire in our great world-leaders, it's just their unequivocal commitment not to interfere in the global fucking free-market...

yep, well the moral of this whole story is clearly: black lives matter...

and brown ones too...

but only in america...

and only if they're middle-class and paying plenty of taxes...

and gonna vote for president hillary clinton...

yeah, those black lives matter...

at least right up until they leave the polling booth, and old ma clinton's safely installed in the white house...

from which time they'll be gunned down by cops in the street just like any other unarmed black guy...

simply because they're...


no, poor black lives don't matter...

black lives rotting in jail don't matter...

black muslim lives don't matter...

black african lives don't matter...

and black lives in congo sure as hell don't fucking matter...

unless they command more power and riches than does hillary rodham clinton.

however, if, on the contrary, you actually insist that 'black lives matter', then before supporting or voting for holocaust hillary, please take time to study the clintons' comprehensive historical charge-sheet.

when hillary rodham clinton was asked whether "black lives matter?" she gave those young african-american activists an arrogant and patronizing lecture.

when, in 2009, at kinshasa university, hillary rodham clinton was questioned as to her husband's view on matters relating to the congolese mining industry, she gave those young congolese students an arrogant and patronizing lecture.

will hillary ever apologize for her husband's war-crimes in congo and rwanda?

will she apologize for her personal war-crimes in libya, syria, somalia and afghanistan...?

or is her own art of democratic darkness just too hard for her to look into?

i mean, to win the presidential electional, all trump needs ask hillary clinton is:

"why did you deliberately arm al qaeda in libya...?"

or: "why did you deliberately create and arm the islamic state in syria...?"

or: "however did you wash from your hands the indelible congolese blood of your spouse's millions of victims of crimes against humanity...?"

because, in a so-called civilized western society, to induct a notorious serial war-criminal into the highest office of government, escorted by her holocaust-happy accessory-husband, must, by definition, irredeemably violate every cherished principle of democracy.

at least we know where we stand with donald trump - the true and ugly face of the united states of america...

he may be a pig in a poke, but at least he doesn't deny that he's a playboy-pig who lives in the all-american puritanical pig-sty...

however, hillary clinton is a demon-dissimulator - ready to deceive and to destroy.

she is the absolute arse-end of democracy...

who as elected president of america, can only constitute the dead dog-end of democracy, spitefully stubbed out on the coy unconciliated corpses churned from the constant commercial disassembly-line by klondike clinton's covertly co-ordinated coltan-rich congo chop-shop...

and presently being smoked, sardonically, by donald john trump, like one of her haggard old house-husband's havana cigars.

the horror

the horror

essential reading before voting or voicing support for hillary rodham clinton:


hear yea, hear yea the world: black lives matter in congo-zaire

orlando and congo slaughter: outrage for florida vs silence for africa: why?

2016 african union summit in kigali, rwanda: shame on useless "leaders"

congocoalitionblog - home page


clinton and the rwandan genocide / congo war

the daily caller:

clinton foundation got $100m from ‘blood minerals’ firm


block 5a, south sudan - controversy


lundin petroleum - criticism


lundin oil/petroleum in sudan


lundin mining

the washington examiner:

clinton helped companies that donated to foundation profit off africa

levi ochieng:

how the us promoted the conflict in congo

federation of free states of africa:

behind the numbers: untold suffering in the congo


the us (under)mining job - interview with wayne madsen

black agenda report:

rwanda crisis could expose us role in congo genocide


rwanda's untold story - 'this world' bbc documentary, 2014

all things pass:

congo's president joseph kabila: dynasty or travesty?

workers action:

why is obama silent over the new congo war?

huffington post:

black african lives matter too, but not for clinton


hillary clinton outraged in the congo

congo week:

breaking the silence

yaa-lengi ngemi:

genocide in the congo (zaire): in the name of bill clinton, and of the paris club, and of the mining conglomerates, so it is!

all things pass:

blood diamond - doublethink and deception over those worthless little rocks of desire

dissident voice:

white slaughter in black africa - genocide and denialism

dissident voice:

gertler's bling bang torah gang

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

curtailed words

displayed here-below is the comment i yesterday attempted to enter in reply to ms juicy biceps mp's huffington post piece entitled it's socialism jean, but not as we know it, which, at this fraught time of rapidly impending american-inspired nuclear armageddon, was completely cyber-ghosted out of existence by the cia on apparent account of a fairly mildly expressed example of the indigenous anglo-saxon vernacular appearing within a moderate proximity of the hallowed phrase 'the white house'; may i at this point officially opine that, in the blogging-world, the huffington post - ignorant and immoral neo-conservative spawn of the daily telegraph - represents, as does, in the modern world, its mother-cuntry, the united states of america, the densely dunder-headed diplodocus, whose murderous mercantile meanderings cause its high imperialness habitually to crush clumsily under-foot all lesser forms of life in its dark, domineering, global quest to root out, ravenously, the most succulent earthly vegetational varieties of privileged political preference.

the offending article reads as follows:

"what a sulky subversive whinge from someone who sadly backed the wrong strand of political sentiment for the current anti-establishment british climate.
people aren't 'offended' by your feminism, my honourable madam - they're fuming because you're a cheap cia-sell-out and neo-colonial new-labour sychophant, who, as a 'progress'-flunky, clearly must hold values as far removed from true socialism as can possibly be imagined.

"no matter what the situation you are right and being right is more important than the safety of the group. she missed out the bit that says if things don't seem to be going your way, make sure you get jobs for all your mates so your way can be had."

sorry, but the above quote describes the typical self-serving blairite almost to a tee - the sort who, on a wafer-thin humanitarian pretext, barely disguising an ultra-extremist-christian agenda, would take his country into a futile neo-colonial war, regardless of the terrible cost to others, and purely for personal and professional gain.

"in my socialism, which is steadfast and lifelong, there is no point where your own personal socialist ideals are more important than delivering a better life for people who need it."

surely the socialist ideal is absolutely founded upon helping those in need - or is your 'personal' socialism about helping another group of people altogether? you seem confused.
you're not courageously speaking out, you're joining the crowd of condescending, brow-beating, self-righteous bullies who religiously suppressed all outspoken opposition to blair and his bloody oil-wars by systematically blacklisting his critics, and then maliciously ruining their lives and careers, whether in the professional political sphere or not.
under new-labour, most people who dared stand up for their rights got a swift kick in the teeth, not a generously salaried job in the poncy palace of westminster, as you rather slyly did, so don't play the poor defenceless female victim - when actually you hold a popularly appointed position of some considerable power over us, the common pleb, and right now weigh in the balance the lives of many already degraded syrian civilians, together with our own muddled, media-brainwashed british citizens - it just doesn't suit see man.
you suggest that jeremy corbyn may be slightly posher than you - is this why he's less prone to being bought off than you, or is that simply a matter of his upbringing?

stop wasting superjezza's bloody time - he's exceptionally busy saving the world at the moment, and can't be bothered with wet-nursing your emotional femino-brummie-centric insecurities, day-bleedin'-in day-bleedin'-out.
finally, if you still believe that everyone's equal, but that brown families deserve mega-tonnage of ordnance dropped upon them, ad infinitum, to satisfy the hardly heroic whims of the whatless wanker in the white house, le petit prat pathétique in paris, or the dutiful dachshund digging himself a hole in downing street, why not ask the royal air-force, ever so nicely loik, whether you might possibly be allowed to experience just one of those lovely ethical cruise-missiles exploding in your vicinity - but more importantly, before you vote to have angry arab and asian people assassinated, or to have non-christian civilians accidentally swept under the sandy syrian carpet into the next world, in the name of whiter-than-white western democracy, please take good deliberative time to read the following enlightened articles, in order for you all the better to appreciate the naff neo-con nursery-rhymes of our three next-to-butt-naked emperors:

how the west created the islamic state

levant report:
2012 defense intelligence agency document: west will facilitate rise of islamic state "in order to isolate the syrian regime"

insurge intelligence:
pentagon report predicted west’s support for islamist rebels would create isis:
isis coalition knowingly sponsored violent extremists to 'isolate' assad, rollback 'shia expansion'

the guardian:
west training syrian rebels in jordan

open democracy:
isis wants to destroy the 'grey zone'. here's how we defend it

levant report:
former dia chief michael flynn says rise of islamic state was "a willful decision" and defends accuracy of 2012 memo

global research:
us created the islamic state (isis) for sake of israel and military industrial complex: ex-cia contractor"

Monday, 9 November 2015

the eagle has landed...on 'er arse

once upon a time, in a past, unconscious, carefree life, when your blog-editor-in-chief was a humble, authority-fearing, civil-service clerk, one was bound by a personnel code, which, in lieu of a formal contract, enshrined one's terms-and-conditions of employment as a public-servant, and aside from getting caught with one's hands in the till, there then existed two sure ways in which one could seriously jeopardize one's continued career as a government-worker:

1. by falling into substantial debt, or
2. by taking part in any political or public activity which might compromise, or might be seen to compromise, one's impartial service to the government of the day or any future government.

now, on remembrance sunday, by publicly objecting to labour-leader, and long-time advocate of unilateral nuclear-disarmament, jeremy barnyard crowbar mp's personal vow never to deploy nuclear-warheads, and by further claiming that britain's policy of non-engagment in air-strikes against the islamic state in syria was "letting down" its allies, general sir john nicholas reynolds houghton gcb, cbe, adc gen, the chief of the defence-staff of the british armed-forces - or just general sir prick whore-tongue to his friends in cabinet - has in effect completely and deliberately desecrated this nation's holy day of commemoration, and ripped up the terms-and-conditions of his employment in the british armed forces, as contained within the queen's regulations for the army 1975 (amendment number 26).

indeed, through his illegitimate and ill-timed, war-mongering outburst in favour of mass-civilian-slaughter, general sir john nicholas reynolds houghton gcb, cbe, adc gen, the chief of the defence-staff of the british armed-forces - or just general sir prick whore-tongue to his friends in cabinet - who cannot be confirmed, or dismissed, as the serving army-general-source who recently threatened of "mutiny" in the british military should jeremy corbyn ever be elected prime minister, has, particularly if acting without due ministerial authorization, gravely breached the following comic constitutional catalogue of queen's regulations:

annex b to chapter 3

values and standards of the british army

total professionalism

paragraph 25:

"members of the army are not permitted to disclose service information or express views on official matters or experiences to any media organization without prior approval from the ministry of defence, sought through the chain of command; this includes leaking official information to the media. besides being contrary to regulations, it is unprofessional and can damage the reputation and interests of the ministry of defence and the armed forces and, whether intentional or not, undermines the army’s apolitical position."

chapter 5

unit command, control and administration

part 14 - political activities and electoral registration

political activities

paragraph j5.581:

clause a
"regular service personnel are not to take any active part in the affairs of any political organization, party or movement. they are not to participate in political marches or demonstrations."

clause b
"no restriction is to be placed upon the attendance at political meetings of such service personnel provided that uniform is not worn, service duties are not impeded, and no action is taken which would bring the service into disrepute." 

paragraph j5.582:

"all forms of political activity, including political meetings and speeches, are prohibited in service establishments. canvassers may visit, and motor cars used for carrying electors to the poll may call at, married quarters and families' hostels to which there is normal access direct from the public highway. where access is by service roads and there is no separate entrance, access to married quarters will be at the discretion of the commanding officer under such conditions as he may approve. information about party programmes or policies is not to be made available through service journals or information rooms; nor is any propaganda issued by or on behalf of a political party to be distributed in service institutions. no publicity is to be given in service establishments to meetings, fetes, or similar activities having a political association."

paragraph j5.583:

service facilities and speakers
"no service facilities, including service aircraft and motor transport, are to be used at, or in connection with, any function the purpose of which is to further the interests of a political party or an organization having controversial aims, nor are service bands to play at such functions. where requests are received from political groups for service speakers to lecture or give a presentation, these should be referred for action to the ministry of defence (adjutant general secretariat), who will reply direct to the group; if there is uncertainty about the nature of any organization, the ministry of defence should be consulted. (army only. see also chapter 12 annex a(j))"

candidates in local government elections

paragraph j5.586:

clause c
"serving personnel who are permitted by the ministry of defence to be nominated for election to any local authority may only stand as independent candidates. they are not to stand as candidates for any political organization, party or movement and, if elected, are not to involve themselves in any way in the affairs of any such organizations, party or movement."

trade unions

paragraph j5.588:

clause a
"regular service personnel may become members of civilian trade unions and professional associations in order to enhance their trade skills and professional knowledge and as an aid to resettlement into civilian life. they are not to participate in industrial action or in any form of political activity organized by civilian trade unions or professional associations."

chapter 5

unit command, control and administration

part 9 - dress

occasions on which the wearing of uniform is forbidden 

paragraph j5.368:

detailed instructions on occasions on which the wearing of uniform is forbidden are contained in army general administrative instruction 59. the following specific occasions on which the wearing of uniform is forbidden are to be noted:

clause b
"uniform is not to be worn by prospective or adopted parliamentary candidates at political meetings, or while canvassing, appearing in public or engaged in any other activities connected with their candidature. (see also paragraphs j5.581 – j5.583)"

clause e
"on occasions when the army’s reputation or political impartiality might be brought into question e.g. political protests, rallies, marches or demonstrations of any kind where a political, social or interest group agenda may be perceived as being pursued, or where disorder or affray might result, or appearing in the media to seek personal publicity."

chapter 5
unit command, control and administration

part 2 - personal conduct and efficiency

applications general

paragraph j5.079b:

clause d
commercial advertisements
"participation in commercial advertisements may have the potential to give the impression that the service endorse or have a view on a commercial product, service or political position. applicants must therefore provide the fullest details so that a commanding officer may consider whether:
(1) the individual would be identified as a serving member of the service.
(2) the service would be directly or indirectly associated with the advertisement.
(3) the individual’s participation might align him, or the service, with any political position."

clause f
trade dispute
"service personnel may become members of civilian trade union and professional associations in order to enhance their trade skills and professional knowledge and as an aid to resettlement into civilian life. they are not to participate in industrial action or in any form of political activity organized by civilian trade unions or professional associations where it is believed that a trade dispute is in progress, in order to safeguard the reputation of the service, commanding officers should not authorize, or should withdraw authorization given in respect of off-duty employment with that organization. where there is doubt about the existence of a trade dispute, the commanding officer should refer the matter through his chain of command, with full details and recommendations."

chapter 5

unit command, control and administration

part 15 - public and service (non public) funds

voluntary regimental subscriptions

paragraph 5.613:

clause a
"all soldiers may subscribe voluntarily to a regimental association as part of the day’s pay scheme, provided that the president and treasurer of the association are commissioned officers on the active or retired list, that the association is of a non political character and that a minimum of half the income is devoted to the benevolent assistance of reservists, ex soldiers and their families in need."

chapter 12

official information and public relations

part 2 - activities involving the use of official information or experience

(ministry of defence sponsor: director-general, media and communication)

paragraph j12.015:

general considerations
"this section sets out procedures for service personnel to seek authorization to communicate with the media. a number of considerations should be taken into account before doing so, including:
a. is it in the defence interest?
b. does the benefit justify the time, cost and effort?
c. is there a risk to operational security or of disclosure of classified information?
d. would this compromise service ethos?
e. are there any patent, copyright, collaboration security or international relations implications?" (see note 1 below)
(note 1: a politically controversial topic is one which is, has been, or is clearly about to be, a matter of controversy between political parties in this country)

paragraph j12.016:

"these regulations govern contact between all service personnel and the media, and for writing or speaking in public. these rules must be followed to ensure that operational security is upheld and standards of political impartiality and public accountability are met at all times."

paragraph j12.018:

clause b
"as in any organization, it is important that all ministry of defence personnel communicate in a manner that maintains and, where possible, enhances the reputation of the organization. all contacts with the media or public disclosure of information by members of the armed forces must be authorized in advance, where this relates to material or experiences gained in the course of official duties. engaging in such activities without obtaining authorization at the appropriate level may be a serious disciplinary or administrative matter which could ultimately lead to dismissal, as would the acceptance of payments in contravention of j12.024 below."

paragraph j12.019:

maximizing communications effect

clause a
"presentational aspects must be an integral part of all ministry of defence activity and decision-making. it is a core task of all personnel to consider how to portray their activities in an interesting and accessible way, for both the internal and external audiences, and how to support the ministry of defence's strategic communications aim - to enhance the reputation of the department and armed forces both internally and externally. everyone should look for opportunities to explain what defence is about to the public and other stakeholders. when personnel can make a contribution to knowledge on the basis of specialized information and experience obtained in the course of their official duties, in particular, professional, scientific and engineering personnel, they should be encouraged to do so, so long as policy, defence and commercial interests are protected."

clause b
"any such participation in public discussions or contribution to knowledge of this kind must, however, be such as will not:
(1) prejudice national security.
(2) put at risk collaboration security. 
(3) create the possibility of embarrassment to the government in the conduct of its policies.
(4) bring into question the impartiality of her majesty's forces."

clause c
"although these principles apply primarily to the disclosure of information and for the discussion of political issues, they apply with equal force to the public expression, in the press or elsewhere, of opinions which are or could be embarrassing to the government when given by individuals who are identified or are readily identifiable as service personnel."

clause d
"the director-general, media and communication has ultimate official authority for internal and external communications including all matters related to contact with the news media and communicating in public. members of the armed forces are to seek prior permission if they wish to write or speak or otherwise communicate in the public domain on defence or related matters, before entering into any commitment. personnel who are in any doubt about the need to obtain authorization are to take advice from the appropriate director-general, media and communication contact at j12.025 before committing to communication with the media or writing or speaking in public. director-general, media and communication has delegated some approval authority to command media operations personnel who should always be consulted before approaching director-general, media and communication.
contact details can be found at j12.025."

paragraph j12.020:

contact with the news media

clause d
"exceptionally, some service personnel will have a general authorization from d news personally to speak to the news media, which must be recorded in their agreed formal job descriptions or terms of reference. these individuals are to ensure they keep records and inform d news press office or the regional press officer of all media contacts and the information communicated. additionally, they are to avoid comment on issues of a politically controversial nature."

annex a(j) to chapter 12

procedure for seeking permission to speak in public, to lecture, or to write for publication

(paragraphs j12.016, j12.021, j12.022 and j12.023 refer)

note 1
"public speeches should be submitted for prior clearance under the procedures for lectures (para 4) if their text is likely to be published afterwards, or quoted by a broadcasting authority, newspaper or magazine, either in whole or in part if they contain scientific or technical data, or if they comment on procurement executive projects, so that they may be fully cleared in all respects, including crown copyright aspects."

note 2
"because service in the ministry of defence is likely to be regarded as conferring a special degree of authority or importance on statements made by an official speaker, ministerial approval will be sought by the director-general, media and communication in all cases concerning personnel serving in the ministry of defence."

note 3
"normally, permission to express views on politically controversial issues will be refused. for any exception to this rule, the director-general, media and communication will seek the prior approval of the secretary of state for defence."

my considered legal conclusion:

the procedure for seeking permission to speak in public, to lecture, or to write for publication, as set out in annex a(j) to chapter 12 is incredibly convoluted, but essentially, general sir john nicholas reynolds houghton gcb, cbe, adc gen, the chief of the defence-staff of the british armed-forces - or just general sir prick whore-tongue to his friends in cabinet - should have sought the prior approval of the secretary of state for defence, michael catheter-fallout mp, in order to express views on politically controversial issues.

however, general sir john nicholas reynolds houghton gcb, cbe, adc gen, the chief of the defence-staff of the british armed-forces - or just general sir prick whore-tongue to his friends in cabinet - clearly drove a ten-ton tory-tank through the historically entrenched queen's regulations, and must either resign with immediate effect or be summarily sacked by his boss, the secretary of state for defence, michael catheter-fallout mp, for bringing the british armed-forces into deeply dangerous disrepute.

moreover, if general sir john nicholas reynolds gcb, cbe, adc gen, the chief of the defence-staff of the british armed-forces - or just general sir prick whore-tongue to his friends in cabinet - did in fact seek the explicit prior approval of the secretary of state for defence, michael catheter-fallout mp, for his broadcast interview-comments, then obviously the secretary of state for defence, michael catheter-fallout mp, must also quit his cabinet-post forthwith, or be fired on-the-spot by prime-minister, david "the dachshund" cameron.

the crafty comrade, jeremy barnyard crowbar mp, has actually played a blinder here, because he has patiently waited for one of these mass-murdering, power-grabbing, mutinous generals to poke his head above the political parapet, and then pounced mercilessly, like a purring parliamentary panther; furthermore, dirty corby has cleverly inducted the majority of his labour-party enemies into his shadow-cabinet, with the rather sly result that these neo-fascist conservative-cock-sucking detractors cannot even contemplate plotting rebellion against their charming chippy chairman without appearing, to the mad massed corby-celebrating party-membership, to be treacherous beyond all democratic belief.

dirty corby has given his two-timing, traitorous colleagues enough rope with which to hang themselves, and by effectively condoning the actions of a homicidal, self-serving army-general and chief of the defence-staff, who has now criminally disrespected our british parliament by illegally intervening, in uniform, in the democratic process, in a manner tantamount to staging a totalitarian, tory-heavy military-coup, angela "double-headed" eagle, shadow secretary of state for defence, has simply been shamefully out-manœuvred by her strategically-savvy socialist leader, and will surely also be forced to resign in dictatorial disgrace, or be delivered her direct marching-orders, for showing her true, tory-turncoat colours.

oh gosh...and i really thought evil "edgy-the-eagle" angie was meant to be the ruthless razor-sharp, tactical chess-player, and comrade "corby" corblimey the dim-witted, communist dullard...

all that dry old legal tripe not much of a belly-laugh, you say?

well, i reckon it's a fucking hilarious bitta blogging...

this smarmy five-star sewer-git's broken every god-damned fucking rule in the book...

...and he's soon gonna be forced to walk the wibbly-wobbly whitehall-plank of no-return - hopefully on the über-solemn occasion he has now, thanks to his absolutely atrocious remarks, personally degraded unto armageddon day.

don't know how dave's dodgy despots in government will take it though?

Monday, 2 November 2015

security for some at the expense of insecurity for others

there was no constitutional convention broken by the house of lords in scuppering the recent bill for proposed tax-credit legislation; the salisbury convention - of not opposing the second or third reading of any government legislation promised in its election manifesto - does not apply in the current parliamentary instance, because:

  1. in its general election manifesto, the government did not specifically state that working tax-credits would be cut.

  2. due to low voter-turn-out and the winner's small share of the vote at modern general elections, governments do not now command the true national mandates which would formerly have been considered undemocratic for the lords to have blocked.

there were no procedural rules broken by the house of lords in shelving the recent bill for proposed tax-credit legislation, because, despite being named a "finance bill", this bill was not officially designated a "money bill", as defined under the parliament act, but in fact a "statutory instrument" linked to a welfare act, over which the house of lords has the full right of veto; conversely, if george nob-borne had been bothered to introduce this legislation as a public bill in the house of commons, where it would have been subject to the full heat of scrutiny and debate, the house of lords would not have been legally permitted to touch it.

to a large extent, this political move against the cameron government was simply socialist 'tit' for conservative 'tat' - for the conservatives do not care about 'freeing' the working-classes from the shackles of poverty any more than the socialists really care about making everybody in society 'equally' entitled to the ill-gotten profits of western neo-colonial mineral-wars, which it-must-be-said have cost the lives of millions of africans, arabs and asians in such places as congo, the middle-east and afghanistan. moreover, the ideological case for reducing the welfare-state has already been made and won by successive conservative and labour governments from the thatcher era right through to the contemporary times of cameron.

however, the public principle at stake in this latest tax-credit débâcle was not just one of work-ethics, nor even perhaps one of backbench members of parliament hanging onto their shitty little seats at any price, but actually the far wider one of fucking bad form and bad attitude on the part of david cameron, george osborne, iain duncan smith, jeremy hunt, and the rest of the uncouth, unchristian conservative cabinet, who care not one judicial jot for the suffering of those working far harder for a mouthful of meagre state-benefits than do cash-rich government ministers for their fat westminster salaries and unchecked, unearned expense-accounts.

the summary slapping-down, which the chancellor received at the hands of a cross-party swathe of our socially embarrassed parliament, was weighed out in return for his and his colleagues' cavalier insouciance in protecting jobs for the old-school boys in the banks and big business, whilst punching the poor in the peanuts; generous personal tax-cuts for the wealthy, a proposed cut of 2% in the corporation-tax pipeline, yet piddle-stick in-the-pocket pilfering from the plebs; a plethora of opportunity for those privileged with public-school or private education, and a door comprehensively slammed in the face of the council-house kid with the wrong colour upbringing. yessir, let's say it straight, this tax-credit bill was the domestic fiscal equivalent of bombing the wogs for political and financial ends, in accordance with the parochial, race-driven, class-co-ordinated doctrine of prime-minister cameron and company, which consistently asserts: it's all right for them, but we wouldn't want it to happen to us, now would we?

another precept imperilled by the legislative actions of the government was obviously that of honest-dealing: why sneak an unannounced, unmandated welfare-cut through parliament as a sly, run-of-the-mill statutory instrument, when correctly it should have been presented to the people's representatives as a bold-as-brass public-bill in the house of commons? why cut a low-paid worker's benefits in the disingenuous expectation of the employer raising that person's wages to plug the hole, when oftentimes the employer and government are one and the same party, pledging no less than to hold down that very public-servant's pay-deal?

as the conservatives rightly stated, this whole unseemly constitutional spat ultimately turned upon the question of finance and convention: the unwritten convention that the government represents the wishes of the people, who are duly offered a constitutional choice between financing immoral wars waged with american weapons of mass-destruction, controversial infrastructure construction-projects contracted out to friends in the conservative-club, and of course last-but-not-least, a fairly-administered, fully-functional welfare-state.

well, drawing on my vast personal experience of parliamentary procedure and party-politics, it is my considered opinion that reducing the powers of the house of lords, whilst strengthening those of the house of commons, would eventually prove extremely hazardous to democracy, and that the wishes of the people will only ever be represented, in a constitutional manner, by effecting the complete abolition of the house of lords, whilst neutering the house of commons through the introduction of a system of open-party-list proportional representation - indeed such radical parliamentary reform would appear to be the sole method by which the unaccountable cunts in the palace of westminster can practicably be compelled to concentrate properly on the important national business-at-hand.

meantime, i should add, the empty chamber of the house of lords might usefully be converted into a refrigerated repository for mummified members of the remaining legislative house who have popped their clueless clogs and thus require preservation for posterity on the padded red benches of another place - such that, paradoxically, an independent casual observer would not necessarily notice any active difference in the progressive parliamentary programme of that hallowed hall of huffed-up haughtiness.

however, whatever our adopted constitutional system and the square-peg political ideology it subsequently produces to rain over us, in royal retribution for our immoral relinquishment of individual responsibility, the extirpation of establishment corruption and its counterpart, privilege, the poisonous antagonist of opportunity, is paramount, for down the road of perverted power lies perdition, by a thousand petty and vindictive paper-cuts, of public and parliamentary souls alike.

so can we root out the cia-knotweed before we're woven irrevokably into a wicked whirlpool of world-war? thatcher's obsessive-compulsive conservatism is pushing up the daisy-cutters, major has faded away into the sleaze-sodden scene he pedantically painted as his grimly-reaped legacy, shatout mutton brown is being served up as scotch broth for a beleaguered and battered brussels pout, cameron's set on retiring to ride randy red-haired sheep 'round his ranch in the cotswolds, but the ever-evil presence, otherwise known as blair, blight of bucks, must be socially scapegoated for the serial-slaughtering sins he's blithely buck-passed to his barbaric brothers in corporate war-crime: he can choose either to move up the lane to hmp grendon underwood, or 'move on' permanently to another fucking continent.

during the second world-war, eastenders were initially forbidden by the authorities from using the london underground-system as an air-raid shelter, despite the devastating ferocity of the blitz - and ridiculously were forced to buy tube-tickets in order to circumvent war-time restrictions - whilst the sensible people of hard-targeted southampton were reportedly frowned upon by deeply-bunkered whitehall for 'trekking' out into the countryside each night in order to avoid losing their lives in the terrible bombing of that city; clearly, from recent experiences, such as the iraq war, the war on terror, together with this latest tax-credit scandal, we as british citizens must inevitably therefore conclude that our government is not only crookedly incompetent, but also completely uncaring, and that, as our lords and masters in westminster have just shown us, legally, a pinch of positive civil-disobedience, in the face of abhorrently arrogant authoritarian stupidity, is absolutely essential for the british way of life to survive.

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

loud-mouth labour-lasses locked in deadly dogma-fight for feminist supremacy

"mirror, mirror, on the wall,
who is the most feminist of them all...?"

...probably not a political question which dirty corby asks himself on a very regular basis, but one, nonetheless, which is currently causing raucous ruptions amongst his left-over-ranks in parliament...

...and so as professional investigative duty dictates, spark up! duly caught up with the fem-fracas-fraught labour-leader earlier this week, whilst he was chillin' in his favourite, threadbare allotment-shed-armchair, and gently groovin' to the latest pussy riot album as it blared-out rebelliously from his funky, vintage-silver 70s-ghetto-blaster, all between getting stuck into the serious commons-business of laboriously stringing-up this year's bumper-crop of turda red-onions.

now, as i tentatively took up my perch on a dusty wooden-crate ominously labelled "trojan powder co - dynamite" - which our rebel-without-a-clause calmly assured me was simply an empty relic of the epic 1980s struggle against the mad ironing-lady of dulwich - and was cordially invited by the presently prodigal privy-councillor to join him in an ice-cold glass of dandelion-'n-burdock, i was sorely tempted to enquire as to the precise horticultural classification of the strangely pungent greens that he was quite openly curing along with other assorted veg, but then judged, after a brief moment's consideration, that discretion might perhaps prove to be the better part of gutter-journalism.

sure, i could 'hang' for half-an-hour, the demo-happy chief-gardener indicated generously, but he just had to get back to the ranch in good time to snuggle-up on the sofa with the sizzling socially-conscious señorita for the latest nerve-jingling episode of cult us spy-thriller, homeland - a series which he agreed did, in all honesty, cast afghan, pakistani, and lebanese muslims in a poor socio-political light, yet, in doing so, also successfully achieved the pithy, parodic portrayal of cia-agents as a nefarious bunch of neurotic, bungling nitwits.

"so you're after a ringside seat for the democratic duel-to-the-death between lady laaardidah and freshwoman, juicy biceps mp?"

guessed dirty corby correctly...


continued corby,

"we're going to settle this furious femino-feud in the only fair way possible: the old-fashioned socialist way.  i've got a vatful of pink-jelly at home - which i concocted the other month for a constituency children's party, but which allegedly didn't go down too well - and an inflatable domestic paddling-pool...
...and well, basically, to cut through the silly saga of official party-committee disciplinary procedure, i was intending to set the pool up in my backyard, fill it with pink-gunge, and give the two combatants a decent opportunity of gaining traditional civil satisfaction, stripped-down to micro-bikinis, in a no-holds-barred jelly-wrestling match - however, by popular demand, and for reasons of ideological transparency, the bout is now due to be relocated to the green in parliament square - winner takes the job of being my personal bodyguard and champion.
now, i appreciate that the idea of letting a strapping-great brummie prop-forward manically press the face of a defenceless little-old afro-caribbean pensioner into the hallowed turf...may sound rather politically incorrect...but on the other hand, such an eventuality could potentially bring the party unforeseen dividends, if indeed it prevents her laaardidah-ship from putting her own foot in her own notoriously big trap, for even a limited period of time...
...and anyway, regardless of the jelly-contest's result, i strongly believe in the importance of promoting new, grassroots talent by providing our incoming house of commons members with plenty of sparring-practice; in fact, i'm confident that, given appropriate guidance, ms juicy biceps mp will soon rise to become a valuable weapon in our shadow-government's armoury, if we can only manage to point her in the right direction...
...moreover, i predict that with the sheer self-destructive gob-power she has already displayed since entering parliament - by fearlessly taking on george gabaway and lady laardidah during her first few months in the job - she will surely, in time, make a most effective leader of the opposition, and could even bust the door down to number ten.
nevertheless, despite ms biceps mp not initially striking me as a slick cia-trained sabotage-act, we will still have to take her quietly aside in order to explain:
  • that from its outset, the civil-uprising which led to the syrian civil-war was deliberately incited by mi6 and the cia...
  • that from its outset, the military opposition to president assad's syrian army was backed by mi6 and the cia, intelligence agencies which subsequently facilitated the help of handy, imported al qaeda insurgents and supplied arms, secretly smuggled into syria via turkey from libya - where coincidentally, mi6 and the cia also insidiously incited an uprising hopeless in internal national terms...
  • that western military intervention in syria is a foolproof recipe for wicked world-war with russia, and maybe china too...
  • that dropping bombs on syria, for humanitarian reasons, will doubtless do about as much bloody good as did demolishing libya, for humanitarian reasons...
  • that western bombs and boots on muslim-ground are the prime-factors driving recruitment to isis and al qaeda...
  • and that, degraded by constant abuse to a fake political excuse, any british government call for military intervention 'to protect civilians' nowadays amounts to no more than a cheap, insincere propaganda-trick employed by disingenuous, warmongering, western intelligence agencies whose most fervent evangelical desire is to convert dozy, weak-minded, western liberals into pseudo-humanitarian, neo-colonial, genocide-cheering, resource-grabbing, fascist-apologist thugs.
really though, i do sincerely hope that ms juicy biceps mp and lady laaardidah can soon settle their ideological differences, because at the moment, whenever i hear a beer-fuelled fight going on in the bars and restaurants of westminster, it's always these two louder-than-life ladies who seem to be in the thick of it, literally at each other's throats - so much so that i'm actually beginning to wonder whether they're each squabbling over my irresistible personal affections, god-help-me - but to be honest, i don't take all these hysterical spats to heart, myself, and find it helps to think of ms biceps as a younger, female version of the great, fat, new-labour slob, lord presscock - since the pair of them, along with the married mother-of-two's van, both look like they've been in a few prangs...
could i imagine appointing both these lady mps to the shadow-cabinet concurrently?  oh, i dunno: could i imagine two utterly unguided cruise-missiles continually flying 'round our labour committee-room at the same time?  jesus knows, they could cancel each other out, i suppose...but alternatively, they could both wreak total effing exponential havoc, self-detonate, and annihilate the bleeding lot of us."

accordingly, having given dirty corby the chance to clear the billowing clouds of hot-carbon-dioxide which had been produced by all these environmentally unfriendly left-wing-family arguments, we at spark up! considered it only proper to contact ms juicy biceps for her own side of the story, which she duly expressed over the telephone in the following, forthright terms:

"oh no, it's not that i don't want to see a batty old black woman in the shadow-cabinet or anything...but i just want a greater number of real, indignant white-van-women represented in the upper échelons of our party hierarchy, you know...and perhaps...just for example, of course...not quite so many toffee-nosed cambridge publicity-tarts whose radical chocko-centric ideologies generally ensure that they spend the whole fuckin' day obsessively planning their next bloody black-forest gâteau gross-out...
no, i absolutely do not have an abandoned transit-van, missing its wheels, jacked-up on bricks outside my house...i refute that disgraceful allegation totally...the truth is that, every morning, i roll the wheels out from my porch, bolt them on, kick out the bricks, and away i's a bit of a rough neighbourhood, that's all...
ok, yes...i admit that, strictly-speaking, my van is not actually's more a nifty shade of grey now...cuz you see, i've been far too busy, these last couple of years, engaged in pressing affairs of state...such as getting fuckin' pot-holes filled give it a proper wash, loik...
take on laaardidah?  sure...i don't know what poofy kind of car she drives about in...if she can drive, that is...but i challenge the boring old biddy to a burn-up 'round parliament square any fuckin' day..."

naturally, in the name of authentic reporting, spark up! attempted to establish the complete veracity of claims, which we understand have been circulating in yardley, to the strength that ms juicy biceps knocks out 200 men a day...but tragically, the sports correspondent whom we sent to cover this unusual story is now recovering in the birmingham hardlandings hospital from a sudden, and medically inexplicable, black-out...however, during a later conversation with ms biceps' husband, tom, we ascertained that, if this rumour were indeed true, then it would presumably transpire that at least 150 out of the 200 men previously stated were in fact himself...

how wonderful for ms biceps to be blessed with such a supportive, and humourous, partner...

finally, in order to tie-up one last loose-end, we at spark up! decided to identify the local secondary school attended by ms juicy biceps, and although we certainly did not conjecture that this would be exactly the most genteel of institutions, we were, to be fair, rather surprised to be referred around the corner to the sticks 'n stones pool-hall at the bottom of hustler road...where regulars apparently confirmed that their incumbent member of parliament had achieved a full-record - learning how to handle a cue to the maximum effect, whilst mastering the ancient midland art of krack-wun-doh, together with associated advanced stick-and-ball techniques of the more exotic kind.

Sunday, 4 October 2015

west-end war on natural women

besieged by widespread allegations of enforcing a racist door-policy, management at the strictly plastic nightclub in rupert street, london, have issued the following brief statement:

"at this exclusive nightclub, we maintain a strict ignorance-code in order to ensure that our establishment is only patronized by 100 percent plastic people with 100 percent plastic personalities.  if any member of staff suspects that a club-going client is in possession of body-parts which are not 100 percent plastic, our professionally trained bouncers reserve the right to test the consistency of the aforesaid alleged dodgy anatomical-areas for reasons of cultural and social integrity.
thank you and fuck off."

Friday, 2 October 2015

black comedy gold

i hear it cost cameron over 400 million quid - in caribbean infrastructure, health, and economic aid-packages - to get off the island of jamaica, the stupid, whatless cunt.

indeed, it appears the criminally complacent british government is beginning to get rather worried about countries from the far-east gazumping the uk's commercial and political influence in the caricom region; china's exim bank has committed itself to investing a possible 10 billion dollars in jamaica's special economic zones and industrial parks, whilst japan is offering to assist jamaica with the development of energy-efficiency and renewable-energy technology, and funding the institute of jamaica to the tune of about £40 million in grants.

in 1837, the british government spent £20 million in hand-outs - the equivalent of nearly £2 billion in today's money - buying off british slave-owners in a corruptly stitched-up deal to abolish the previously state-promoted practice of slavery, yet, in comparison with the astronomic profits made by british merchants from slave-trading and slave-labour, and the additional multi-millions collected in british taxes imposed on slave-manufactured goods imported from the caribbean colonies, this figure is but a tiny drop-in-the-ocean of spilt african blood which was forcibly invested in the lucrative caribbean plantation business.

in contemporary terms, £2 billion represents just loose-change for the british government, which over the next few years, will i-dare-say spend a very similar sum attempting to buy-off, and curry commercial favour with, obdurate caribbean administrations - nevertheless these payments can in no way be considered commensurate with slavery-reparation payments, which prime-minister cameron disrespectfully and summarily dismisses out-of-hand.

according to my own extremely rough, back-of-an-envelope calculations, the uk's current liability for slavery-reparations might fairly be assessed as follows:

given that, in 1770, west-indian planting-profits can be estimated at £2.5 million pounds, british profits from trading to the west-indies at around £1.3 million, and annual british slave-trading profits at a minimum of £1 million, making a total annual british slave-based industry profit of £4.8 million, one can easily surmise that, during, say, the 135-year period between 1672 - the establishment-date of the royal african company, which formalized the slave-trade under a royal charter - and the abolition of the slave-trade in 1807, british slave-based industries could well have raked in about £648 million in profits, a sum which held in 1751, say - when the british slave-based industry was reaching full-steam - would have amounted to the present-day monetary equivalent of approximately of £120 billion.

however, this current-day-conversion figure of £120 billion does not include slave-based profits accrued from the beginning of the english slave-based industry in 1562, in the reign of elizabeth 1 - when captain john hawkins made the first of three slaving-voyages to africa, capturing over 1200 africans, who were sold as goods in the spanish colonies of the americas - nor does it include slave-based profits accrued between 1625 - when barbados became the first english plantation-settlement in the caribbean - and 1672 - the establishment-date of the royal african company, which formalized the slave-trade under a royal charter - nor does it include slave-based profits accrued between 1807 - the abolition-date of the slave-trade - and 1834 - the abolition-date of slavery itself in the british empire - and nor does it include profits accrued from caribbean plantations right up until the end of the british colonial period in the latter part of the 20th century - and therefore in many ways, this afore-mentioned estimate of £120 billion could conceivably be construed as somewhat conservative.

of course, there is an alternative, strictly commercial, method of calculating britain's current liability for slavery-reparations - but then slavery was, in fact, strictly business, wasn't it?

assuming the present-day british economy to be worth roughly £2 trillion annually, and the profit-value of british slave-based industries to constitute, say, at most 5% of the former british economy during any given year during the industrial revolution - from 1760 to 1830 - it would therefore follow that, to clear the slate with the afro-caribbean community, and equitably recognize its proportional and cumulative historic contribution to our thriving modern-day economy, the british government would actually have to fork out £100 billion in slavery-reparations for the next 70 years, or pay a one-off lump-sum to the descendants of african-slaves amounting to £7 trillion.

however, this alternative current-day-conversion figure of £7 trillion does not take into account slave-based profits accrued from the beginning of the english slaved-based industry in 1562, in the reign of elizabeth 1 - when captain john hawkins made the first of three slaving-voyages to africa, capturing over 1200 africans, who were sold as goods in the spanish colonies of the americas - nor does it include slave-based profits accrued between 1625 - when barbados became the first english plantation-settlement in the caribbean - and 1760 - the advent of the industrial revolution - nor does it include slave-based profits accrued between 1830 - the conclusion-date of the industrial revolution - and 1834 - the abolition-date of slavery in the british empire - and nor does it include profits accrued from caribbean plantations right up until the end of the british colonial period in the latter part of the 20th century - and therefore in many ways, this afore-mentioned estimate of £7 trillion could conceivably be construed as somewhat conservative.

of course, the £7 trillion current-day-conversion figure for slavery-reparations, to which i have heretofore referred, is purely hypothetical, nay negotiable, and in light of the fact that our modern economy is majorly reliant upon the sale and manufacture of various diabolic armaments, and other hideous weapons of mass-destruction, it is quite possible that, due to insuppressible religious considerations, the coalition of rastafari movement groups, which in 2004 itself lodged a reasonably substantial claim of £72.5 billion for slavery-reparations, might, in the given present circumstances, perhaps not wish to accept absolutely the entire available sum, as duly calculated by myself - not that i am in any position to make judgment, obviously.

now, to be fair - and bearing in mind that government-to-government administrated reparation-schemes inevitably tend to precipitate the massive procurement of military hardware by small states, which subsequently evolve into obnoxious, repressive regional bully-boys - there is a various multitude of other means by which slavery-reparations, and compensation for colonialism, could judiciously be effected - via a so-called 'commonwealth', for example, wherein all citizens should, by rights, enjoy the freedom to reside in the former colonial mother-country, great britain, in which they might enjoy all the normal benefits and conditions of said residence strictly in common with indigenous british-born citizens themselves.

moreover, all descendants of british-owned slaves, regardless of colour, class, creed, or current circumstance, should be awarded the automatic freedom of access to an incorruptible british justice-system invested with the statutory power to recover, whether this be from individuals, institutions or corporations, the criminally acquired slave-produced wealth which rightfully and inherently belongs to them - for indeed, any justice-system which fails to deliver such required retrospective reparation cannot ever lawfully be deemed a true system of justice.


enslavement and industrialisation - by robin blackburn

the abolition project - east of england broadband network and mla east of england

atlantic slave trade - wikipedia

economy of the united kingdom - wikipedia

historical uk inflation and price conversion - stephen morley